yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
