sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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