Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
