I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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