a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
