so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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