Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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