He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
