I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
