I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
