Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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