I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
