my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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