none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
