Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
