if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
