hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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