I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
