Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
