She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
