Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
