am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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