got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
