You can't motorboat a personality
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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