So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
