So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
