I want to make a zoo with you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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