no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
