so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
