I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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