Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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