i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
