I want to have your abortion
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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