she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
