VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
