pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Come on in and take your pants off
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