i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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