I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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