We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am one with the molecules
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
