Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
