Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
