I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
