Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
