He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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