K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
