I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
