When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
