Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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