The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
