I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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