I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
