I can tuck mytits in my pants
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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