They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
