and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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