Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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