if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
