Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
