Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
