My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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