i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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