so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
