Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
