i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
