Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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