meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
