a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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