he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
