i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
