He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
