Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I pour the whiskey from now on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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