I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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