I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
