I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
