Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
